A 4-Step Plan To Find + Define Your Core Family Values

HEY AGAIN!

Or if not again, welcome to The Attitude Of Adventure Blog!
I'm Morgan Deane and my mission with this blog is to give great, applicable advice and funny stories, so that you get a laugh, leave with something helpful, and keep coming back!
I'm a Christ follower, I'm married to the LOVE of my life, we're parents to Winston BARKtholomew Deane the Goldendoodle, and I love pizza! No seriously. I could eat pizza every day!
{Want to know More About Me? Check it out!}

And now, for the reason you came here today!

Everyone seems to talk about their family values, but how did they come up with them? I always see these cute signs that say, "In this house we..." and then it lists out things like "say I'm sorry", "laugh a lot", and "never give up". They're charming and cute, but do these families actually live by these values? Or did they just buy it because it's cute?
Andy and I sat down a few months back and decided which values are most important to us right now, in this stage of our life and marriage. We cut out things that are important, but aren't deal breakers or are not as important to us. Each family will have different core values and just because Forgiveness isn't a core value, doesn't mean that it's not important or that you don't value it.
Another thing to remember is that in each stage of life, we'll need to reevaluate. I'm sure when we have children, there will be some different values in place. So without further ado, here's how find and define our core values.

SIT DOWN AS A FAMILY

It's important that this is a team effort. If one person decides the values of the family, that person will buy into the idea, but the rest of the family will, at best, not be as passionate, and at worst, be resentful and work against it.

I suggest setting a time aside to look at the list as a family. Give everyone a copy of the list and let them determine what is most true for them. Then come together at a later time to discuss the everyone's results. It's important to let every member be heard and ask great questions.
Let each person give their top 5 and the whys behind each. Andy and I have picked our top values and though some may match, they don't always match for the same reason.

USE THE VALUES LIST

I've created a Values List that you can download for FREE!

Follow the link. Download this page. Print it out -1 for each family member. Then talk about it.

CHOOSE YOUR VALUES

Once every family member has chosen their top values, let each person take a turn talking about why they chose them. Ask questions like:
What did you like about this value?
Why do you feel this value is more valuable than all the others?
Do you think this value applies to our whole family or more specifically to you?

This conversation lends itself to great insight into each other's thought process and personalities.

Once you've all put your values out there, you need to decide which ones apply specifically to your family. Some may be more personal values. Creativity, Quest, and Winning can be very personal. But if every person in your family put down Creativity as a top value, that's a good sign that your family's core values list should include it. Chances are, each person is going to have very different ideas of what's valuable and what's not. You have to decide what's right for your family.

DEFINE YOUR VALUES

Now that you have the list of values, you're ready to define them. This can take some time and creativity. I suggest getting on Pinterest and looking up quotes about each value. Andy and I took a lot of time talking through this aspect of the values journey and that's okay.
The definitions should be short and easy to remember. Things that your kids could say when asked. Check out some of our definitions below!

Some sample definitions that we chose are:
Love: as Jesus loves us
Integrity: radically honest living
Vulnerability: create true connection
Attitude: adventure is out there!
That last one is what gave me the name of this blog. After talking through our values, I realized that adventure for us wasn't about where we went, but the attitude we had when things got "adventurous".
The reason it is so important to choose definitions is because you'll all be on the same page about. If one person thinks adventure is about the destination and traveling, but another thinks it's about the attitude you have, you'll never achieve your value system.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

I hope you enjoyed today's topic!
If you want to see more by me, check out my full list of blog posts.

Comment below or shoot me an email at AttitudeOfAdventure@gmail.com
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I'd Love To Hear From You!

~M

Author: Morgan, Living Relational, Living With Value