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Or if not again, welcome to The Attitude Of Adventure Blog!
I'm Morgan Deane and my mission with this blog is to give great, applicable advice and funny stories, so that you get a laugh, leave with something helpful, and keep coming back!
I'm a Christ follower, I'm married to the LOVE of my life, we're parents to Winston BARKtholomew Deane (the Goldendoodle), and I love pizza! No seriously. I could eat pizza Every. Day!
{Want to know More About Me? Check it out!}
And now, for the reason you came here today!
I'm Morgan Deane and my mission with this blog is to give great, applicable advice and funny stories, so that you get a laugh, leave with something helpful, and keep coming back!
I'm a Christ follower, I'm married to the LOVE of my life, we're parents to Winston BARKtholomew Deane (the Goldendoodle), and I love pizza! No seriously. I could eat pizza Every. Day!
{Want to know More About Me? Check it out!}
And now, for the reason you came here today!
More and more I talk with people who are upset with the questions that others are asking them. We don't feel like we're able to live in the present because all of society is saying, "What's next?" When we get to that next stage of life, we're immediately asked that same question. Instead of celebrating where we are, we're ever-striving for more or better. It's exhausting and shame-driven.
Don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. -Ephesians 4:29 NIV
Don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. -Ephesians 4:29 NIV
INSENSITIVE QUESTIONS
I believe that this behavior is learned. We were asked these questions, so we're given permission to as well. For the sake of small talk, we ask generalized questions that can often hurt others or put them in an awkward situation. We get these questions in all stages of life. These questions are not good conversation starters if you don't know the person well. If we just met, I don't need you to approve of my decisions. You don't know me.
On the other hand, if you're a parent, close sibling, best friend, or other close friend or relative, then you have permission to speak into their lives. But if I haven't talked to you in years, I don't care that you're my aunt, great uncle, or cousin once removed, or childhood best friend, you haven't been close enough to my life to speak into it. You don't get to start now.
Someone else's opinion of you is none of your business. -Rachel Hollis
Someone else's opinion of you is none of your business. -Rachel Hollis
High School - "Where do you want to go to college?" "What do you want to do with the rest of your life?" "Have you thought about..."
We can all look back to a time when someone asked us this or we asked it of a student. I've even started seeing people ask kids in Middle School. Y'all! A 13-year-old has NO IDEA what he/she wants to do with their life. They're trying to get through the most awkward years of their life and we want them to make a decision for the rest of their life? Bad idea.
College - "Oh, you're in college now? What are you studying?" "You know, a better major would be..." "When will you graduate?" "Oh, you're not going to college? Well, you're doing everyone who doesn't have the opportunity to go a disservice."
It's ridiculous the amount of pressure we put on our youth to choose the "right major" and go to the "right school". It's their life and they've got to learn to fly a little. If you're their parent, you have the right to discuss this with your child, but if I just met you, I don't want to hear your 4-step perfect plan for my life. You don't even know me!
Graduated - "You've graduated! Where are you working?" "You can't expect everything to be handed to you." "You could probably find something better." "That has nothing to do with your degree."
Did you know that only 27% of kids graduating from college go into a job that related to their major? TWENTY-SEVEN PERCENT! Am I the only one who's bothered by this? And it's taking most of these kids SIX YEARS to get a 4 year degree. The colleges aren't encouraging their students to graduate quickly. Quite the opposite. That's six years of their life wasted on a major that isn't even related to their job. I desist.
Single - "You're single? Why?" "You're STILL single??" "Get out there! Get a man." "Do you want to be single?" "Have you tried online dating?" "You know, my friend got married to this guy she met on eHarmony." "Don't waste this time. Sometimes I wish I'd been single longer."
There seems to be a lot of shame around being single. Why is it that we think it's bad to be independent and figure out who we are before we jump into a relationship? Or on the other side, shaming for wanting a relationship. There's nothing wrong with being single.
Dating - "You're dating?" "How long have you been dating?" "Is he good to you?" "Do you think he's the one?" "You've been dating for so long. When will you get engaged?"
Let's not rush people to choose a person quickly. There's so much pressure to get married and start the next stage of your life, but divorces are at an all time high. Andy and I only dated for a little over a year before we got married, but we both knew what we wanted and started our relationship with an agreement that if either of us felt the other wasn't "the one" we'd end it. That's not the case with most couples. There's a lot of people who are dating around for fun. They're in no rush to get married and "settle down".
Engaged - "Congratulations! I know you got engaged last night, but when's the wedding?" "Have you chosen a date yet?" "You know, when I was engaged..." "Oh, so soon? Don't you think you need more time?" "Am I invited?" "You've been engaged for how long? 3 years? Will you ever get married?"
Sheesh y'all! We've got to let these newly engaged couples breathe a minute. They may not want to tell you when the wedding is yet. And inviting yourself to their wedding is SO not okay -even if you're "kidding". If we weren't great friends before the engagement, that's probably not going to change. Andy and I were engaged for 6 months. It was quick, but it worked for us. Like I said, we knew what we wanted and were ready to move into the next stage of life. Everyone is different and will need more or less time. Let them do their thing.
Newlywed - "I know you've been married for all of 47 seconds, but when are you having kids? Haha! Just kidding (totally not kidding)." "How's married life?" "Does he do anything that annoys you?" "Oh, you're newly weds? Sweet babies." "When did you say you're having kids?" "You should wait a looooong time to have kids."
A question that several people had the audacity to ask me a few months into marriage was if Andy was doing anything that annoyed me. "You know, like leaving his socks all over the place." What are you trying to get out of this question? Do you want me to say yes so that you can feel better that your marriage isn't the only miserable one? Let the newlyweds be newlyweds! There is literally no purpose in asking this question.
Renting - "Renting? Why are you renting?" "That's like throwing money away." "You need to buy a house."
There are stages for everything. Sometimes buying isn't the smart decision. If your job moves you around every few years, you don't want to have to try to sell and then be stuck renting from another state across the country. If you don't know what area you'll end up in moving to a new state, that's a great time to rent and not rush into a home. Renting can be great for people in certain stages of life and can actually be smart. Pressure to buy isn't helping them.
Married - "You still don't have kids?" "When will you have kids?" "How many kids do you want?" "When do you want them?" "You don't want kids?" "How could you not want kids?"
These questions about kids especially annoy me. Mind your own business. If we're not close enough for me to tell you on my own, you don't need to be asking. Andy and I aren't trying, but when we start isn't any of your business. We have so many friends who have been trying for years with no luck. These questions are incredibly insensitive to people who are struggling with infertility and miscarriages.
Additionally, couples who don't ever want to have kids are not monsters. Let them live their lives! Everyone is different and just because their dreams don't match up to yours doesn't mean their wrong. Some of the people who have made the biggest impact in the world don't have kids.
Had Kids - "Do you want more?" "How many do you have again?" "I don't know how you do it." "You know there's birth control for these things."
My heart goes out to the families who have one kid and then are immediately asked, "When's the next one coming?" Y'all! Let them breathe a minute. Let them have their baby. Let them get through the hardest part and make this decision on their own.
And for the families who have lots of kids, it's not funny when you make the birth control joke. Lots of people just don't feel comfortable using it and that's okay. That's their decision. Neither option is bad or wrong, but everyone is allowed to follow their heart. You may disagree, but try to understand where they're coming from will help.
We can all look back to a time when someone asked us this or we asked it of a student. I've even started seeing people ask kids in Middle School. Y'all! A 13-year-old has NO IDEA what he/she wants to do with their life. They're trying to get through the most awkward years of their life and we want them to make a decision for the rest of their life? Bad idea.
College - "Oh, you're in college now? What are you studying?" "You know, a better major would be..." "When will you graduate?" "Oh, you're not going to college? Well, you're doing everyone who doesn't have the opportunity to go a disservice."
It's ridiculous the amount of pressure we put on our youth to choose the "right major" and go to the "right school". It's their life and they've got to learn to fly a little. If you're their parent, you have the right to discuss this with your child, but if I just met you, I don't want to hear your 4-step perfect plan for my life. You don't even know me!
Graduated - "You've graduated! Where are you working?" "You can't expect everything to be handed to you." "You could probably find something better." "That has nothing to do with your degree."
Did you know that only 27% of kids graduating from college go into a job that related to their major? TWENTY-SEVEN PERCENT! Am I the only one who's bothered by this? And it's taking most of these kids SIX YEARS to get a 4 year degree. The colleges aren't encouraging their students to graduate quickly. Quite the opposite. That's six years of their life wasted on a major that isn't even related to their job. I desist.
Single - "You're single? Why?" "You're STILL single??" "Get out there! Get a man." "Do you want to be single?" "Have you tried online dating?" "You know, my friend got married to this guy she met on eHarmony." "Don't waste this time. Sometimes I wish I'd been single longer."
There seems to be a lot of shame around being single. Why is it that we think it's bad to be independent and figure out who we are before we jump into a relationship? Or on the other side, shaming for wanting a relationship. There's nothing wrong with being single.
Dating - "You're dating?" "How long have you been dating?" "Is he good to you?" "Do you think he's the one?" "You've been dating for so long. When will you get engaged?"
Let's not rush people to choose a person quickly. There's so much pressure to get married and start the next stage of your life, but divorces are at an all time high. Andy and I only dated for a little over a year before we got married, but we both knew what we wanted and started our relationship with an agreement that if either of us felt the other wasn't "the one" we'd end it. That's not the case with most couples. There's a lot of people who are dating around for fun. They're in no rush to get married and "settle down".
Engaged - "Congratulations! I know you got engaged last night, but when's the wedding?" "Have you chosen a date yet?" "You know, when I was engaged..." "Oh, so soon? Don't you think you need more time?" "Am I invited?" "You've been engaged for how long? 3 years? Will you ever get married?"
Sheesh y'all! We've got to let these newly engaged couples breathe a minute. They may not want to tell you when the wedding is yet. And inviting yourself to their wedding is SO not okay -even if you're "kidding". If we weren't great friends before the engagement, that's probably not going to change. Andy and I were engaged for 6 months. It was quick, but it worked for us. Like I said, we knew what we wanted and were ready to move into the next stage of life. Everyone is different and will need more or less time. Let them do their thing.
A question that several people had the audacity to ask me a few months into marriage was if Andy was doing anything that annoyed me. "You know, like leaving his socks all over the place." What are you trying to get out of this question? Do you want me to say yes so that you can feel better that your marriage isn't the only miserable one? Let the newlyweds be newlyweds! There is literally no purpose in asking this question.
Renting - "Renting? Why are you renting?" "That's like throwing money away." "You need to buy a house."
There are stages for everything. Sometimes buying isn't the smart decision. If your job moves you around every few years, you don't want to have to try to sell and then be stuck renting from another state across the country. If you don't know what area you'll end up in moving to a new state, that's a great time to rent and not rush into a home. Renting can be great for people in certain stages of life and can actually be smart. Pressure to buy isn't helping them.
Married - "You still don't have kids?" "When will you have kids?" "How many kids do you want?" "When do you want them?" "You don't want kids?" "How could you not want kids?"
These questions about kids especially annoy me. Mind your own business. If we're not close enough for me to tell you on my own, you don't need to be asking. Andy and I aren't trying, but when we start isn't any of your business. We have so many friends who have been trying for years with no luck. These questions are incredibly insensitive to people who are struggling with infertility and miscarriages.
Additionally, couples who don't ever want to have kids are not monsters. Let them live their lives! Everyone is different and just because their dreams don't match up to yours doesn't mean their wrong. Some of the people who have made the biggest impact in the world don't have kids.
Had Kids - "Do you want more?" "How many do you have again?" "I don't know how you do it." "You know there's birth control for these things."
My heart goes out to the families who have one kid and then are immediately asked, "When's the next one coming?" Y'all! Let them breathe a minute. Let them have their baby. Let them get through the hardest part and make this decision on their own.
And for the families who have lots of kids, it's not funny when you make the birth control joke. Lots of people just don't feel comfortable using it and that's okay. That's their decision. Neither option is bad or wrong, but everyone is allowed to follow their heart. You may disagree, but try to understand where they're coming from will help.
LOVE OTHERS
A few weeks ago, I posted on the blog about Loving Those We Don't Feel Like Loving. We may disagree, but that doesn't mean we can't choose to love them.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I hope you enjoyed today's topic!
If you want to see more by me, check out my full list of blog posts.
Comment below or shoot me an email at AttitudeOfAdventure@gmail.com
Follow me on Instagram, Pinterest, & Facebook @AttitudeOfAdventure
If you want to see more by me, check out my full list of blog posts.
Comment below or shoot me an email at AttitudeOfAdventure@gmail.com
Follow me on Instagram, Pinterest, & Facebook @AttitudeOfAdventure
