Being More Sensitive With Your Questions

Friday, April 19, 2019

HEY AGAIN!

Or if not again, welcome to The Attitude Of Adventure Blog!
I'm Morgan Deane and my mission with this blog is to give great, applicable advice and funny stories, so that you get a laughleave with something helpful, and keep coming back!
I'm a Christ follower, I'm married to the LOVE of my life, we're parents to Winston BARKtholomew Deane (the Goldendoodle), and I love pizza! No seriously. I could eat pizza Every. Day!
{Want to know More About Me? Check it out!}

And now, for the reason you came here today!
More and more I talk with people who are upset with the questions that others are asking them. We don't feel like we're able to live in the present because all of society is saying, "What's next?" When we get to that next stage of life, we're immediately asked that same question. Instead of celebrating where we are, we're ever-striving for more or better. It's exhausting and shame-driven.

Don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. -Ephesians 4:29 NIV

INSENSITIVE QUESTIONS

I believe that this behavior is learned. We were asked these questions, so we're given permission to as well. For the sake of small talk, we ask generalized questions that can often hurt others or put them in an awkward situation. We get these questions in all stages of life. These questions are not good conversation starters if you don't know the person well. If we just met, I don't need you to approve of my decisions. You don't know me.
On the other hand, if you're a parent, close sibling, best friend, or other close friend or relative, then you have permission to speak into their lives. But if I haven't talked to you in years, I don't care that you're my aunt, great uncle, or cousin once removed, or childhood best friend, you haven't been close enough to my life to speak into it. You don't get to start now.

Someone else's opinion of you is none of your business. -Rachel Hollis
High School - "Where do you want to go to college?"  "What do you want to do with the rest of your life?"  "Have you thought about..."
We can all look back to a time when someone asked us this or we asked it of a student. I've even started seeing people ask kids in Middle School. Y'all! A 13-year-old has NO IDEA what he/she wants to do with their life. They're trying to get through the most awkward years of their life and we want them to make a decision for the rest of their life? Bad idea.

College - "Oh, you're in college now? What are you studying?"  "You know, a better major would be..."  "When will you graduate?"  "Oh, you're not going to college? Well, you're doing everyone who doesn't have the opportunity to go a disservice."
It's ridiculous the amount of pressure we put on our youth to choose the "right major" and go to the "right school". It's their life and they've got to learn to fly a little. If you're their parent, you have the right to discuss this with your child, but if I just met you, I don't want to hear your 4-step perfect plan for my life. You don't even know me!

Graduated - "You've graduated! Where are you working?"  "You can't expect everything to be handed to you."  "You could probably find something better."  "That has nothing to do with your degree."
Did you know that only 27% of kids graduating from college go into a job that related to their major? TWENTY-SEVEN PERCENT! Am I the only one who's bothered by this? And it's taking most of these kids SIX YEARS to get a 4 year degree. The colleges aren't encouraging their students to graduate quickly. Quite the opposite. That's six years of their life wasted on a major that isn't even related to their job. I desist.

Single - "You're single? Why?"  "You're STILL single??"  "Get out there! Get a man."  "Do you want to be single?"  "Have you tried online dating?"  "You know, my friend got married to this guy she met on eHarmony."  "Don't waste this time. Sometimes I wish I'd been single longer."
There seems to be a lot of shame around being single. Why is it that we think it's bad to be independent and figure out who we are before we jump into a relationship? Or on the other side, shaming for wanting a relationship. There's nothing wrong with being single.

Dating - "You're dating?"  "How long have you been dating?"  "Is he good to you?"  "Do you think he's the one?"  "You've been dating for so long. When will you get engaged?"
Let's not rush people to choose a person quickly. There's so much pressure to get married and start the next stage of your life, but divorces are at an all time high. Andy and I only dated for a little over a year before we got married, but we both knew what we wanted and started our relationship with an agreement that if either of us felt the other wasn't "the one" we'd end it. That's not the case with most couples. There's a lot of people who are dating around for fun. They're in no rush to get married and "settle down".

Engaged - "Congratulations! I know you got engaged last night, but when's the wedding?"  "Have you chosen a date yet?"  "You know, when I was engaged..."  "Oh, so soon? Don't you think you need more time?"  "Am I invited?"  "You've been engaged for how long? 3 years? Will you ever get married?"
Sheesh y'all! We've got to let these newly engaged couples breathe a minute. They may not want to tell you when the wedding is yet. And inviting yourself to their wedding is SO not okay -even if you're "kidding". If we weren't great friends before the engagement, that's probably not going to change. Andy and I were engaged for 6 months. It was quick, but it worked for us. Like I said, we knew what we wanted and were ready to move into the next stage of life. Everyone is different and will need more or less time. Let them do their thing.
Newlywed - "I know you've been married for all of 47 seconds, but when are you having kids? Haha! Just kidding (totally not kidding)."  "How's married life?"  "Does he do anything that annoys you?"  "Oh, you're newly weds? Sweet babies."  "When did you say you're having kids?"  "You should wait a looooong time to have kids."
A question that several people had the audacity to ask me a few months into marriage was if Andy was doing anything that annoyed me. "You know, like leaving his socks all over the place." What are you trying to get out of this question? Do you want me to say yes so that you can feel better that your marriage isn't the only miserable one? Let the newlyweds be newlyweds! There is literally no purpose in asking this question.

Renting - "Renting? Why are you renting?"  "That's like throwing money away."  "You need to buy a house."
There are stages for everything. Sometimes buying isn't the smart decision. If your job moves you around every few years, you don't want to have to try to sell and then be stuck renting from another state across the country. If you don't know what area you'll end up in moving to a new state, that's a great time to rent and not rush into a home. Renting can be great for people in certain stages of life and can actually be smart. Pressure to buy isn't helping them.

Married - "You still don't have kids?"  "When will you have kids?"  "How many kids do you want?"  "When do you want them?"  "You don't want kids?"  "How could you not want kids?"
These questions about kids especially annoy me. Mind your own business. If we're not close enough for me to tell you on my own, you don't need to be asking. Andy and I aren't trying, but when we start isn't any of your business. We have so many friends who have been trying for years with no luck. These questions are incredibly insensitive to people who are struggling with infertility and miscarriages.
Additionally, couples who don't ever want to have kids are not monsters. Let them live their lives! Everyone is different and just because their dreams don't match up to yours doesn't mean their wrong. Some of the people who have made the biggest impact in the world don't have kids.

Had Kids - "Do you want more?"  "How many do you have again?"  "I don't know how you do it."  "You know there's birth control for these things."
My heart goes out to the families who have one kid and then are immediately asked, "When's the next one coming?" Y'all! Let them breathe a minute. Let them have their baby. Let them get through the hardest part and make this decision on their own.
And for the families who have lots of kids, it's not funny when you make the birth control joke. Lots of people just don't feel comfortable using it and that's okay. That's their decision. Neither option is bad or wrong, but everyone is allowed to follow their heart. You may disagree, but try to understand where they're coming from will help.

LOVE OTHERS

A few weeks ago, I posted on the blog about Loving Those We Don't Feel Like Loving. We may disagree, but that doesn't mean we can't choose to love them.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I hope you enjoyed today's topic!
If you want to see more by me, check out my full list of blog posts.

Comment below or shoot me an email at AttitudeOfAdventure@gmail.com
Follow me on InstagramPinterest, & Facebook @AttitudeOfAdventure

I'd Love To Hear From You!

~M

Why We Regularly Have Family Dance Parties

Friday, April 12, 2019

HEY AGAIN!

Or if not again, welcome to The Attitude Of Adventure Blog!
I'm Morgan Deane and my mission with this blog is to give great, applicable advice and funny stories, so that you get a laughleave with something helpful, and keep coming back!
I'm a Christ follower, I'm married to the LOVE of my life, we're parents to Winston BARKtholomew Deane (the Goldendoodle), and I love pizza! No seriously. I could eat pizza Every. Day!
{Want to know More About Me? Check it out!}

And now, for the reason you came here today!
The Deane Fam regularly has dance parties around here! Everyone is included and no one can sit out. Even the puppy will jump around with us while we dance around the living room and kitchen. (His Goldendoodle bounciness makes it even more fun.)
If you've never had a dance party, you're missing out. Here's why!

IT MAKES US HAPPY

The first reason why we do dance parties is because it makes up happy! I can be in a terrible mood and Andy will say, "Alexa, pump up the jam!" Sorry Not Sorry by Demi Lovato comes on and I just can't help it. I'm drawn in to the beat and sassiness. (If you have kids around, make sure you play the non-explicit version.) Music won't instantly change my mood, but after a few minutes, I find myself singing along and dancing to the music.
Photography by Britt G. Photography
Dancing is a great way to get out energy or do a workout. I love line dance videos on YouTube and playing Kinect Zumba! I'm exhausted and out of breathe after a few songs, but I feel amazing and happy. There's basically no quicker way to get me in a good mood than to turn on my favorite dance party music and spin and jump around the living room with Winston and Andy.

IT GIVES US ENERGY

This sounds like it would take your energy, but you know how people say they feel more energized after a morning run? It's the same thing. You did something good for your body and now you feel great! Instead of being exhausted, I want to tackle a project after a dance party.
Why? To quote Elle Woods from Legally Blonde: "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands. They just don't."
Photography by Britt G. Photography
I would much rather dance than run or do pushups. I get bored on runs and pushups make my elbows pop uncomfortably (my chiropractor says it's normal, but I can't handle it). But get me dancing and I can go for ages! I'm not bored. My mind is stimulated and I feel great!

MAKING A DANCE PARTY PLAYLIST

Creating a dance party playlist can be cause for some drama. It'll take some trial and error. The thing to keep in mind is that your playlist is NEVER FINISHED! You heard a song on the radio that you loved? (does anyone even listen to a radio anymore... I don't know.) Add it! A friend recommended a song that's great for dancing? Try it out! If you don't like the song anymore, throw it out.
Photography by Britt G. Photography
Sometimes I add a song to my playlist and then go to have a dance party and realize, though it's an upbeat, fun song, it's just not a great song for dance parties. Sometimes Andy turns on a song and I'm like WHAT in tarnation is this? No. And he does the same to me. And sometimes songs surprise us.
I'll be in the kitchen, washing dishes and realize that Not Today Satan by KB is a great song for getting that nonsense done. (Why they haven't come out with a robot who will hand wash your pots and pans and fold your laundry, I don't know.)
Don't doubt a song until you try it!

WHO CAN COME?

LITERALLY ANYONE!
Invite your mom. Invite your dog. Tell your neighbors. Bring your friends. Keep it private. You and hubby. Include the kids. Bring your cousins. Scare the cat with your awful dance moves. Bring the party to the llama down the road. This is an all-inclusive kind of party. Whoever is around gets to be a part of it!
This is not an exclusive club. This isn't a house full of talented dancers with perfectly pointed toes and beautiful dance moves. No. This is anyone who wants to get in some extra booty shaking. Loosen up your arms, shake out your legs, spin around, touch your toes, Heyyyy Macarena! We are so NOT coordinated right now. And. That's. O. Kay! In fact, it's perfect.
Photography by Britt G. Photography
The only people not invited are those who bring insults on their tongues. No. Thank you. If anyone insults another's dance moves or singing voice or literally anything about them, they can excuse themselves immediately. We don't need that negativity around here.

THE RULES

There are some rules when we start a dance party. Take some, leave others, add your own, but make sure that everyone is on the same page because nothing takes the fun out of something faster than not being on board and feeling forced and coerced into an activity.
Here are our family dance party rules. Save the photo above for easy reference.

    1.  Start with a clean floor. We can't have you tripping and dying in the middle of the dance party. How anti-climatic.
    2.  Everyone in the house has to join in! This is a fun occasion and no one gets left out.
    3.  The music has to be fun and upbeat; great to dance to. Make a playlist as a family and add songs that everyone likes.
    4.  Dance like no one's watching. This ain't no slow dance, solemn moment. Get out there and have some fun!
    5.  If anyone doesn't want to listen to the current song, they can skip it, but each person only gets 1 skip, so choose wisely.
    6.  No judging others' dance moves. Bad dance moves don't exist in this home. Encouragement only!
    7.  Singing at the top of your lungs is always encouraged.
    8.  No judging others' terrible singing voices. We know we're terrible, but we love singing. Get over it.
    9.  Turn up the volume! This will help cover the terrible singing voices. And you'll all dance more freely.
    10.  The dance party can last as long as everyone needs to be in a great mood again.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I hope you enjoyed today's topic!
If you want to see more by me, check out my full list of blog posts.

Comment below or shoot me an email at AttitudeOfAdventure@gmail.com
Follow me on InstagramPinterest, & Facebook @AttitudeOfAdventure

I'd Love To Hear From You!

~M

5 Things That Surprised Me About Planning A Surprise Party

Friday, April 5, 2019

HEY AGAIN!

Or if not again, welcome to The Attitude Of Adventure Blog!
I'm Morgan Deane and my mission with this blog is to give great, applicable advice and funny stories, so that you get a laughleave with something helpful, and keep coming back!
I'm a Christ follower, I'm married to the LOVE of my life, we're parents to Winston BARKtholomew Deane (the Goldendoodle), and I love pizza! No seriously. I could eat pizza Every. Day!
{Want to know More About Me? Check it out!}

And now, for the reason you came here today!
Surprise parties can be fun, silly, serious, big, small, perfect, disastrous, or amazing. They have all kinds of sizes, locations, and occasions. You can throw a surprise party for literally any reason and everyone will get behind it because people love a surprise.
Below are The Things That Surprised Me About Planning A Surprise Party. There's some funny stories too, so prepare yourself and let's dive in!

HOW I FEEL ABOUT SURPRISE PARTIES

Surprise parties are one of those things you hear about and wish you could be a part of. Then you get invited to one and you're even more in love with the idea. Unless you hate surprises from either the giving or receiving side, in which case why are you even here? But you know, all are welcome.
I have been surprised with a party twice in my life. Once was a birthday party that Andy threw me and the other was a bridal shower at our church. Both were incredibly sweet and lovely, but awkward for me. I hate being surprised. I hate being the center of attention. I hate that feeling that everyone is watching and waiting for a response. The most awkward moments of my life are when people sing happy birthday to me. What the heck are you even supposed to do in that situation? It's awful.
Obviously, I am super appreciative and happy that people love me enough to throw me a party. I hope I was a gracious guest of honor and didn't make them feel bad for making me feel awkward. I don't want to feel awkward. I would just rather be in the know. But, that's not how it works y'all!
On the other hand, I've been a part of 2 surprise parties that didn't involve me being surprised and had the time of my life! One was an engagement party for one of my husband's co-worker and the other was the one I recently planned for his 25th birthday.
What I'm trying to get at is that you should be aware of who you're throwing the party for and how they'll feel about it. The last thing you want to do is pour your heart and soul into this project just for the person it's for to hate it and wish you hadn't. It's a lose-lose situation.

THE PREP WORK

INVITATIONS

You may know everyone that your guest of honor would want a the party, but chances are you won't. Ask friends and family, but be sure that whoever you ask, you invite. I had to steal Andy's phone to get the contact info of some of his friends from work and high school that I don't know well. If this isn't a realistic option for you, you can use social media to find them. Just be aware that sometimes messages get lost if you're not friends with them.
I text out the invitation as soon as I knew the date and time of the party -about 6 weeks lead time. Once I figured out the location, I sent another text to each individual or couple. And finally a reminder text on the day of to those who could make it.
I invited about 50 people and only about 25 of those were able to make it. Just keep that in mind as you're creating the guest list and purchasing food.

KEEPING SECRETS IS HARD

This seems obvious, but I have to let you know that the person you're planning this party for DOESN'T KNOW. When you start to think about what they would want, it becomes so hard not to ask. When you have no choice but to ask, you have to be sneaky about it. Bring it up casually or in passing, ask another friend and hope this person chimes in, or preferably start a year in advance (not realistic, but hey).
An example of this was when I wasn't sure what kind of cake Andy would want. Y'all. I should know what kind of cake he likes. We've been married for almost 2 years! But I'm not a cake person. I didn't even care about our wedding cake. I wanted chocolate mouse from this place called Fancy Pantry in Alpharetta, GA and that's what I got. I much prefer ice cream or cookies or ice cream cookie sandwiches to cake. So I don't pay attention to what cake other people like because I would much rather bring them cookies. Or ice cream. Or... well, you know.
I had to ask or guess what cake he'd like, so I opted for asking. Better safe than sorry. Casually one night, I just straight-up asked, "What's your favorite kind of cake?" Y'all, I am so not subtle. Andy can read me better than anyone I know and it's not hard to because everything comes across my face. My heart was beating so hard, but I tried to keep it together. "Chocolate cake," he said, "Or cookie cake. I like cookie cake." I added cookie cake to my check list and went on with the rest of our night.
A few days later, I mentioned in passing, "We should go get cookie cake for your birthday while we're at the outlet mall later." It was a few day before since his birthday was on a Monday and we were out on Saturday. Do you see what I did there? Instead of asking and then him getting suspicious when he didn't get cookie cake, I got it for him anyway! He didn't suspect a thing when I actually got him a huge cookie cake for his surprise party. And we got cookie cake twice. Win, win!

SPEND CASH

If you're like us and you live on a shared budget, it might be hard to keep your purchases secret. Andy and I share a bank account and look at our EveryDollar app on a weekly basis to sort our purchases into their categories.
I knew that when I was doing my shopping for the party that I would need to be sneaky about the way I purchased and from where. I messed up when I went to Party City and bought some party supplies on my debit card. When it came through on EveryDollar, Andy asked what it was for and let's just say my answer wasn't smooth. I kicked myself for not purchasing what I needed there with cash. He wouldn't have known until I told him after the party.
If you too share a bank account with your spouse, you may be wondering how to get cash without him questioning. Here's a few ideas:
    1. Sell some stuff on Facebook Marketplace. It's an easy way to get some quick cash and I'm sure you have plenty of stuff lying around that you can sell.
    2. Purchase everything on the day of. This isn't the easiest approach, but 
    3. Use the Cash Back option at the store. You can sort it into groceries until the big day.

"HOW DID YOU GET HIM THERE?"

This is the second most popular question I get after "Was he surprised?" The answer is that I leaned heavily on his family and my best friend, MiKayla. I used MiKayla as an excuse to not spend the day with him like we normally would on a Saturday. Then I told him that since I'd be out, he should go watch the Kentucky basketball game at his parents house. His sister, Abby, added to his desire to drive over when she announced she'd be there as well.
To get him from there and back to our house, Abby asked him if he wanted to do a game night. It was perfect! I had to stay in contact with her so she could stall as necessary, then they all drove over together. It was really wonderful. My plan for if it was nice outside was to have her ask him if he wanted to play basketball at the park where we would hold the surprise party. Either way, he was completely shocked.

CAPTURE THEIR REACTION

This was an afterthought and thankfully one of our guests was sweet enough to catch everything on video and send it to me. Check it out on my Instagram if you're interested.
It was really fun to look back at the end of the night and have proof that, yes, this did happen and he was totally 100% not expecting it.

RECAP

That was a lot. Let's go through everything you need to remember! You can even save this little cheat sheet.
    1. How will they feel about a surprise party?
    2. Download the FREE Surprise Party Printable. Then use it to help plan when, where, who, and what you want there as well as what you need to get in preparation.
    3. Be sneaky with your words and questions.
    4. Be sneaky with your spending. Use cash.
    5. Get a plan in place to get the guest of honor to the party.
    6. Have someone video the reaction.
    7. Yell, "Surprise!"

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I hope you enjoyed today's topic!
If you want to see more by me, check out my full list of blog posts.

Comment below or shoot me an email at AttitudeOfAdventure@gmail.com
Follow me on InstagramPinterest, & Facebook @AttitudeOfAdventure

I'd Love To Hear From You!

~M

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