HEY AGAIN!
Or if not again, welcome to The Attitude Of Adventure Blog!
I'm Morgan Deane and my mission with this blog is to give great, applicable advice and funny stories, so that you get a laugh, leave with something helpful, and keep coming back!
I'm a Christ follower, I'm married to the LOVE of my life, we're parents to Winston BARKtholomew Deane (the Goldendoodle), and I love pizza! No seriously. I could eat pizza Every. Day!
{Want to know More About Me? Check it out!}
And now, for the reason you came here today!
I'm Morgan Deane and my mission with this blog is to give great, applicable advice and funny stories, so that you get a laugh, leave with something helpful, and keep coming back!
I'm a Christ follower, I'm married to the LOVE of my life, we're parents to Winston BARKtholomew Deane (the Goldendoodle), and I love pizza! No seriously. I could eat pizza Every. Day!
{Want to know More About Me? Check it out!}
And now, for the reason you came here today!
I have been on a journey of growth for several years now and it’s been very interesting to see the different stages I’ve gone through. The observations, feelings, thoughts, and mind shifts I’ve cycled through have been some of my most life-altering.
MY JOURNEY OF GROWTH
I have always wanted to be more and make an impact, but fear of other people’s negative opinions has kept me from even trying. What if’s swirl in my mind and cause me to doubt myself and others. I begin to make assumptions about others thoughts and feelings which is ALWAYS dangerous and unfair.
When my family moved to Missouri and I decided to stay in Georgia, I was very emotional. I felt a lot of things, but did not feel it was okay to feel them and was, though I didn’t have the self awareness at the time to realize, very overwhelmed by so many emotions. Because I did not have the tools to work through them, I shut down my personality and went into defense mode. Withdrawing was a coping skill I learned in childhood. It’s how avoided those so-called “bad” emotions like fear and anger. Those last few months before they moved, I remember someone pointing out to me that I was not being my usual kind and happy self on top of avoiding my family. I was surprised it was that obvious.
Though I resisted at first, I started a mentorship program through the church which is like free counseling with trained volunteers. This exploration lead me to understand my desire for perfection and allowed me to work through a lot of crap I was holding onto. I began the process of letting go. I could see the progress I was making, yet I still had so far to go.
After a year of living in a church friend’s basement, I got married and again went through a volunteer-lead counseling for pre-marital. It was helpful and eye-opening as we learned tools that we use up to this day.
Shortly after marriage, I took a part-time job at a church which I had always felt lead toward. Yet after being in the role for several months, I felt unfulfilled and frustrated. It was not as I had expected it would be and eventually I quit and started a position as a one-family nanny. I thrived working with kids and enjoy it up to this day.
Ever since the first mentorship program I went through, I was interested in seeking out a professional counselor. It was especially apparent that I needed to work through some childhood issues after a year of marriage, multiple anxiety attacks, abandonment issues and the like. I remember getting a list of suggestions from our church and taking months to actually reach out. When I did, I emailed her and straight up told her this was a very hard step for me to take. Thankfully, she was very gracious and continues to be patient with me.
It’s funny how you think you know what issues you need to work through, but when you work through them, they’re not the real problem after all. There are problems in plenty behind the one you think you have. I’ve done so much work with Melissa and grown so much. She and Andy often point out to me how the things I do today are not things I could have braved 2 years ago.
Somewhere around the time I started counseling in February of 2019, I read Rachel Hollis’s Girl, Wash Your Face. I can easily say this book changed my life and put me on a path of self-confidence, accelerating my personal growth. I learned to love and accept myself and changed my idea of failure and trying. As I leaned more into her, though she claims to be a Christian, I started to rely more on myself than on God. I felt strong. I felt confident. I felt powerful. I really thought I was on my way to thriving and a life of happiness.
But over a year later, she and her husband, Dave, told the world they were getting a divorce. I was shocked and hurt and confused. They seemed to have such a great marriage. They seemed happy. They seemed to be thriving. What they taught was working for me. I was making progress and becoming my own person. I was happy. But if all of that came at the expense of my marriage, I didn’t want it.
I started to question what could truly bring me fulfillment and lasting joy. Spoiler alert: it’s not myself or my husband or my friends or my stuff. Only the Lord can bring a sense of peace and contentment.
I finished a bible study by Jennie Allen recently which shook me and challenged me. As we worked through the book of Philippians, she talked about humility and trust and vulnerability. I realized that I have a lot more work to do.
When Andy and I bought a new house, I thought I would finally be happy. Even though I didn’t realize, I was holding this idea in the same hand I was holding “true happiness”, I craved “the perfect house”. We found ourselves in a beautiful home with so much space to grow into, an enormous kitchen, 2 gigantic garden areas, countless upgrades, a great location and many other things we’d wished for. Yet everyday the first week we moved in I cried. I was not happy. I was stressed and tired and confused.
I had thought that moving into the “perfect” house would make me calm and content and grateful. Instead, I found myself only wanting more. I spent loads of time on Pinterest trying to figure out how to get that Joanna Gaines look mixed with my own style projected into my house. How do I make it perfect so that other people will look at me and say, “Wow! You’re amazing! You’re so successful.”
And people have. We’ve had several couples and a small group over. Every time, I find temporary unbelievable happiness in their compliments and envy. But soon thereafter, I am consumed again with maintaining that “perfection”. The joy is not lasting.
Only the Lord can give us immense, immeasurable, sustainable joy. Only when we look to him and find our strength in him, when we rely on him and trust that he had what’s best, can we be truly joy-filled.
This is something that I am working on. This is something I struggle with on a daily basis. I am not perfect, nor have I ever been. But I’m realizing this life is not about me. It sounds like a cliche, but it’s something that I truly thought on a subconscious level. I have been so self absorbed, lacking humility.
When my family moved to Missouri and I decided to stay in Georgia, I was very emotional. I felt a lot of things, but did not feel it was okay to feel them and was, though I didn’t have the self awareness at the time to realize, very overwhelmed by so many emotions. Because I did not have the tools to work through them, I shut down my personality and went into defense mode. Withdrawing was a coping skill I learned in childhood. It’s how avoided those so-called “bad” emotions like fear and anger. Those last few months before they moved, I remember someone pointing out to me that I was not being my usual kind and happy self on top of avoiding my family. I was surprised it was that obvious.
Though I resisted at first, I started a mentorship program through the church which is like free counseling with trained volunteers. This exploration lead me to understand my desire for perfection and allowed me to work through a lot of crap I was holding onto. I began the process of letting go. I could see the progress I was making, yet I still had so far to go.
After a year of living in a church friend’s basement, I got married and again went through a volunteer-lead counseling for pre-marital. It was helpful and eye-opening as we learned tools that we use up to this day.
Shortly after marriage, I took a part-time job at a church which I had always felt lead toward. Yet after being in the role for several months, I felt unfulfilled and frustrated. It was not as I had expected it would be and eventually I quit and started a position as a one-family nanny. I thrived working with kids and enjoy it up to this day.
Ever since the first mentorship program I went through, I was interested in seeking out a professional counselor. It was especially apparent that I needed to work through some childhood issues after a year of marriage, multiple anxiety attacks, abandonment issues and the like. I remember getting a list of suggestions from our church and taking months to actually reach out. When I did, I emailed her and straight up told her this was a very hard step for me to take. Thankfully, she was very gracious and continues to be patient with me.
It’s funny how you think you know what issues you need to work through, but when you work through them, they’re not the real problem after all. There are problems in plenty behind the one you think you have. I’ve done so much work with Melissa and grown so much. She and Andy often point out to me how the things I do today are not things I could have braved 2 years ago.
Somewhere around the time I started counseling in February of 2019, I read Rachel Hollis’s Girl, Wash Your Face. I can easily say this book changed my life and put me on a path of self-confidence, accelerating my personal growth. I learned to love and accept myself and changed my idea of failure and trying. As I leaned more into her, though she claims to be a Christian, I started to rely more on myself than on God. I felt strong. I felt confident. I felt powerful. I really thought I was on my way to thriving and a life of happiness.
But over a year later, she and her husband, Dave, told the world they were getting a divorce. I was shocked and hurt and confused. They seemed to have such a great marriage. They seemed happy. They seemed to be thriving. What they taught was working for me. I was making progress and becoming my own person. I was happy. But if all of that came at the expense of my marriage, I didn’t want it.
I started to question what could truly bring me fulfillment and lasting joy. Spoiler alert: it’s not myself or my husband or my friends or my stuff. Only the Lord can bring a sense of peace and contentment.
I finished a bible study by Jennie Allen recently which shook me and challenged me. As we worked through the book of Philippians, she talked about humility and trust and vulnerability. I realized that I have a lot more work to do.
When Andy and I bought a new house, I thought I would finally be happy. Even though I didn’t realize, I was holding this idea in the same hand I was holding “true happiness”, I craved “the perfect house”. We found ourselves in a beautiful home with so much space to grow into, an enormous kitchen, 2 gigantic garden areas, countless upgrades, a great location and many other things we’d wished for. Yet everyday the first week we moved in I cried. I was not happy. I was stressed and tired and confused.
I had thought that moving into the “perfect” house would make me calm and content and grateful. Instead, I found myself only wanting more. I spent loads of time on Pinterest trying to figure out how to get that Joanna Gaines look mixed with my own style projected into my house. How do I make it perfect so that other people will look at me and say, “Wow! You’re amazing! You’re so successful.”
And people have. We’ve had several couples and a small group over. Every time, I find temporary unbelievable happiness in their compliments and envy. But soon thereafter, I am consumed again with maintaining that “perfection”. The joy is not lasting.
Only the Lord can give us immense, immeasurable, sustainable joy. Only when we look to him and find our strength in him, when we rely on him and trust that he had what’s best, can we be truly joy-filled.
This is something that I am working on. This is something I struggle with on a daily basis. I am not perfect, nor have I ever been. But I’m realizing this life is not about me. It sounds like a cliche, but it’s something that I truly thought on a subconscious level. I have been so self absorbed, lacking humility.
To change that, I will stop naming all the things I’m not and start naming all the things he is.
What we believe of who God is is crucially important. We can never fully grasp who he is, but trying brings us closer to him.
The Lord know that we were not made to self-serve. We were created to worship and serve him. Possessions will not bring us joy. They may temporarily make us feel like we are happy, yet at the end of the day, what we have is just stuff. That home decor will be “out” next season and those favorite pair of boots will wear. We will always be left wanting when we seek happiness in the possessions we own and the things we desire.
The Lord know that we were not made to self-serve. We were created to worship and serve him. Possessions will not bring us joy. They may temporarily make us feel like we are happy, yet at the end of the day, what we have is just stuff. That home decor will be “out” next season and those favorite pair of boots will wear. We will always be left wanting when we seek happiness in the possessions we own and the things we desire.
Humility is not being insignificant, but it is becoming smaller so he can become larger. It’s putting the Lord and others before yourself. It’s not self-seeking. Being humble does not contain comparison and pettiness. Humility is caring less for selfish desires and more for the pain of others. Let us care for each other.
I do want to note that humility is not not taking care of yourself. God is very clear in the Bible that we are to take care of our bodies because they are his dwelling place (1 Corinthians 6:19). If we do not care for ourselves, we are not caring for the thing that God has given us. Yet caring for ourselves is not buying stuff. Caring for ourselves is taking care of our mental health and physical body.
Lord, thank you for all that you are teaching me and all that you have given me. I am so blessed! Help me today to bring glory and honor to you. Help me to remember that my focus should be on you and on others. And remind me that true contentment comes from trusting you, not myself. Thank you for continuing to pursue me even when I forget to pursue you.
Amen.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I hope you enjoyed today's topic!
If you want to see more by me, check out my full list of blog posts.
Comment below or shoot me an email at AttitudeOfAdventure@gmail.com
Follow me on Instagram, Pinterest, & Facebook @AttitudeOfAdventure
If you want to see more by me, check out my full list of blog posts.
Comment below or shoot me an email at AttitudeOfAdventure@gmail.com
Follow me on Instagram, Pinterest, & Facebook @AttitudeOfAdventure
