HEY AGAIN!
Or if not again, welcome to The Attitude Of Adventure Blog!
I'm Morgan Deane and my mission with this blog is to give great, applicable advice and funny stories, so that you get a laugh, leave with something helpful, and keep coming back.
I'm a Christ follower, I'm married to the absolute LOVE of my life, we're parents to Winston the Goldendoodle, and I love drinking homemade smoothies every morning!
{Want to know More About Me? Check it out!}
And now for the reason you came here today!
I'm Morgan Deane and my mission with this blog is to give great, applicable advice and funny stories, so that you get a laugh, leave with something helpful, and keep coming back.
I'm a Christ follower, I'm married to the absolute LOVE of my life, we're parents to Winston the Goldendoodle, and I love drinking homemade smoothies every morning!
{Want to know More About Me? Check it out!}
And now for the reason you came here today!
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| Photography by Britt G. Photography |
Today I thought I would talk about one of the best things that happened for our marriage!
Feeling Words
Feeling Words
WHAT ARE FEELING WORDS?
Simply put, Feeling Words are words that describe how you're feeling. Shocker, I know.
Secure, Angry, Peaceful, Sad, Joyful, Disappointed, Aroused to name a few.
When you communicate, how often do you use Feeling Words and how expansive is your vocabulary?
If you use 10 or less words to describe how you're feeling, you need to expand your horizons!
Don't worry! I'm here to help.
Secure, Angry, Peaceful, Sad, Joyful, Disappointed, Aroused to name a few.
When you communicate, how often do you use Feeling Words and how expansive is your vocabulary?
If you use 10 or less words to describe how you're feeling, you need to expand your horizons!
Don't worry! I'm here to help.
When I was in high school, I read a book, On Writing Well by William Zinsser.
Though this is a book on writing, I took much more away from it than writing tips.
One of the points that William made has stuck with me and changed the way I live my life, not just the way I write.
Did you get that? If not, read it again. I'm serious! This is good stuff.
We need to own our feelings and stop dumbing them down with little qualifiers.
You ARE feeling upset or overjoyed or embarrassed or respected.
You are not sort of, kind of, a little, or feeling "like".
You may not realize it, but when you say "like", you are using a cop-out.
When you use the word "like" you're hiding behind a wall of insecurity.
You need to own the way you feel.
Say it like you mean it. Because you do!
Though this is a book on writing, I took much more away from it than writing tips.
One of the points that William made has stuck with me and changed the way I live my life, not just the way I write.
We need to own our feelings and stop dumbing them down with little qualifiers.
You ARE feeling upset or overjoyed or embarrassed or respected.
You are not sort of, kind of, a little, or feeling "like".
"I FEEL LIKE"
Do you say, "I feel like ________"?You may not realize it, but when you say "like", you are using a cop-out.
When you use the word "like" you're hiding behind a wall of insecurity.
You need to own the way you feel.
Say it like you mean it. Because you do!
Another reason NOT to use the word "like" is because it becomes much easier to be accusatory.
Using feeling words is not about making your partner own their piece of the pie, but rather about you owning yours.
If you say, "I feel like...", you make it easier to follow up with "you make me feel" or "you do ________" or "you don't ever ________".
Instead of owning what you're feeling, you accuse the other person.
And when you accuse the other person, they go on guard.
When someone is on guard, your conversation is never going to go anywhere.
It'll just escalate until someone walks away or explodes and then no one is happy.
Using feeling words is not about making your partner own their piece of the pie, but rather about you owning yours.
If you say, "I feel like...", you make it easier to follow up with "you make me feel" or "you do ________" or "you don't ever ________".
Instead of owning what you're feeling, you accuse the other person.
And when you accuse the other person, they go on guard.
When someone is on guard, your conversation is never going to go anywhere.
It'll just escalate until someone walks away or explodes and then no one is happy.
A BETTER WAY OF COMMUNICATING
So instead, use the following sentence when using Feeling Words.
"I feel emotion about situation because reason ."
When you use this sentence, it gives context and legitimacy to your feelings.
"I feel emotion about situation because reason ."
To say what you're feeling is a start, but it's not enough.
If you want your partner to understand you, you have to tell them why you feel this way.
Again, try to avoid accusatory language.
When Andy and I use Feeling Words, we sit down with the LIST and use the sentence.
"I feel excited about visiting my family because it's been a while since we've seen them."
"I feel stressed about projects at work because this is a busy season for my company."
"I feel successful about having great financial decisions because we started on the same page and we work together as a team."
"I feel disappointed about the weather getting colder because I'm cold all the time as it is and I miss the pool."
"I feel thankful about you being my husband because you were very caring when you..."
Sometimes it's hard to name what you're feeling.
Something that helps us is looking at our situations and then putting feelings to them rather the opposite.
How do you feel about what's going on next week?
Did anything happen today? How did it make you feel?
How was your work day? How do you feel about it?
How are our families making you feel right now?
How do you feel about the house being either clean or messy?
Have we been really busy lately? How does that make you feel?
Did we just take a vacation? How do you feel after it?
If you want your partner to understand you, you have to tell them why you feel this way.
Again, try to avoid accusatory language.
When Andy and I use Feeling Words, we sit down with the LIST and use the sentence.
"I feel excited about visiting my family because it's been a while since we've seen them."
"I feel stressed about projects at work because this is a busy season for my company."
"I feel successful about having great financial decisions because we started on the same page and we work together as a team."
"I feel disappointed about the weather getting colder because I'm cold all the time as it is and I miss the pool."
"I feel thankful about you being my husband because you were very caring when you..."
"I feel anxious about going to your work party because I don't know anyone."
You get the idea!
Something that helps us is looking at our situations and then putting feelings to them rather the opposite.
How do you feel about what's going on next week?
Did anything happen today? How did it make you feel?
How was your work day? How do you feel about it?
How are our families making you feel right now?
How do you feel about the house being either clean or messy?
Have we been really busy lately? How does that make you feel?
Did we just take a vacation? How do you feel after it?
DON'T FORGET TO LOOK FOR THE POSITIVE
Another thing to keep in mind is that you need to use positive feeling words as well as negative.
It's easy to feel overwhelmed and stressed and angry and frustrated at things that happen.
But you have to be more intentional about feeling thankful and excited and fulfilled and playful.
It's easy to feel overwhelmed and stressed and angry and frustrated at things that happen.
But you have to be more intentional about feeling thankful and excited and fulfilled and playful.
FREE FEELING WORDS LIST
Follow this link to get the FREE PDF Download: Feeling Words List!
This is a list of Feeling Words I've compiled over the past year and a half that we've been married.
There's several lists out there, but none seem to have every feeling I feel, so I made my own!
I hope you love it!
This is a list of Feeling Words I've compiled over the past year and a half that we've been married.
There's several lists out there, but none seem to have every feeling I feel, so I made my own!
I hope you love it!
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
I hope you liked topic!
If you want to check out more by me, click here for a full list of all my blog posts!
Have you used Feeling Words? How did it go?
If you haven't, are you willing to try? Why or why not?
Comment below or shoot me an email at AttitudeOfAdventure@gmail.com
Follow me on Instagram, Pinterest, & Facebook @AttitudeOfAdventure
If you want to check out more by me, click here for a full list of all my blog posts!
Have you used Feeling Words? How did it go?
If you haven't, are you willing to try? Why or why not?
Comment below or shoot me an email at AttitudeOfAdventure@gmail.com
Follow me on Instagram, Pinterest, & Facebook @AttitudeOfAdventure
