A Journey Toward Humility

 

HEY AGAIN!

Or if not again, welcome to The Attitude Of Adventure Blog!
I'm Morgan Deane and my mission with this blog is to give great, applicable advice and funny stories, so that you get a laugh, leave with something helpful, and keep coming back!
I'm a Christ follower, I'm married to the LOVE of my life, we're parents to Winston BARKtholomew Deane (the Goldendoodle), and I love pizza! No seriously. I could eat pizza Every. Day!
{Want to know More About Me? Check it out!}

And now, for the reason you came here today!

I have been on a journey of growth for several years now and it’s been very interesting to see the different stages I’ve gone through. The observations, feelings, thoughts, and mind shifts I’ve cycled through have been some of my most life-altering.

MY JOURNEY OF GROWTH

I have always wanted to be more and make an impact, but fear of other people’s negative opinions has kept me from even trying. What if’s swirl in my mind and cause me to doubt myself and others. I begin to make assumptions about others thoughts and feelings which is ALWAYS dangerous and unfair.
When my family moved to Missouri and I decided to stay in Georgia, I was very emotional. I felt a lot of things, but did not feel it was okay to feel them and was, though I didn’t have the self awareness at the time to realize, very overwhelmed by so many emotions. Because I did not have the tools to work through them, I shut down my personality and went into defense mode. Withdrawing was a coping skill I learned in childhood. It’s how avoided those so-called “bad” emotions like fear and anger. Those last few months before they moved, I remember someone pointing out to me that I was not being my usual kind and happy self on top of avoiding my family. I was surprised it was that obvious.
Though I resisted at first, I started a mentorship program through the church which is like free counseling with trained volunteers. This exploration lead me to understand my desire for perfection and allowed me to work through a lot of crap I was holding onto. I began the process of letting go. I could see the progress I was making, yet I still had so far to go.
After a year of living in a church friend’s basement, I got married and again went through a volunteer-lead counseling for pre-marital. It was helpful and eye-opening as we learned tools that we use up to this day.
Shortly after marriage, I took a part-time job at a church which I had always felt lead toward. Yet after being in the role for several months, I felt unfulfilled and frustrated. It was not as I had expected it would be and eventually I quit and started a position as a one-family nanny. I thrived working with kids and enjoy it up to this day.
Ever since the first mentorship program I went through, I was interested in seeking out a professional counselor. It was especially apparent that I needed to work through some childhood issues after a year of marriage, multiple anxiety attacks, abandonment issues and the like. I remember getting a list of suggestions from our church and taking months to actually reach out. When I did, I emailed her and straight up told her this was a very hard step for me to take. Thankfully, she was very gracious and continues to be patient with me.
It’s funny how you think you know what issues you need to work through, but when you work through them, they’re not the real problem after all. There are problems in plenty behind the one you think you have. I’ve done so much work with Melissa and grown so much. She and Andy often point out to me how the things I do today are not things I could have braved 2 years ago.
Somewhere around the time I started counseling in February of 2019, I read Rachel Hollis’s Girl, Wash Your Face. I can easily say this book changed my life and put me on a path of self-confidence, accelerating my personal growth. I learned to love and accept myself and changed my idea of failure and trying. As I leaned more into her, though she claims to be a Christian, I started to rely more on myself than on God. I felt strong. I felt confident. I felt powerful. I really thought I was on my way to thriving and a life of happiness.
But over a year later, she and her husband, Dave, told the world they were getting a divorce. I was shocked and hurt and confused. They seemed to have such a great marriage. They seemed happy. They seemed to be thriving. What they taught was working for me. I was making progress and becoming my own person. I was happy. But if all of that came at the expense of my marriage, I didn’t want it.
I started to question what could truly bring me fulfillment and lasting joy. Spoiler alert: it’s not myself or my husband or my friends or my stuff. Only the Lord can bring a sense of peace and contentment.
I finished a bible study by Jennie Allen recently which shook me and challenged me. As we worked through the book of Philippians, she talked about humility and trust and vulnerability. I realized that I have a lot more work to do.
When Andy and I bought a new house, I thought I would finally be happy. Even though I didn’t realize, I was holding this idea in the same hand I was holding “true happiness”, I craved “the perfect house”. We found ourselves in a beautiful home with so much space to grow into, an enormous kitchen, 2 gigantic garden areas, countless upgrades, a great location and many other things we’d wished for. Yet everyday the first week we moved in I cried. I was not happy. I was stressed and tired and confused.
I had thought that moving into the “perfect” house would make me calm and content and grateful. Instead, I found myself only wanting more. I spent loads of time on Pinterest trying to figure out how to get that Joanna Gaines look mixed with my own style projected into my house. How do I make it perfect so that other people will look at me and say, “Wow! You’re amazing! You’re so successful.”
And people have. We’ve had several couples and a small group over. Every time, I find temporary unbelievable happiness in their compliments and envy. But soon thereafter, I am consumed again with maintaining that “perfection”. The joy is not lasting.
Only the Lord can give us immense, immeasurable, sustainable joy. Only when we look to him and find our strength in him, when we rely on him and trust that he had what’s best, can we be truly joy-filled.
This is something that I am working on. This is something I struggle with on a daily basis. I am not perfect, nor have I ever been. But I’m realizing this life is not about me. It sounds like a cliche, but it’s something that I truly thought on a subconscious level. I have been so self absorbed, lacking humility.

To change that, I will stop naming all the things I’m not and start naming all the things he is.

What we believe of who God is is crucially important. We can never fully grasp who he is, but trying brings us closer to him.
The Lord know that we were not made to self-serve. We were created to worship and serve him. Possessions will not bring us joy. They may temporarily make us feel like we are happy, yet at the end of the day, what we have is just stuff. That home decor will be “out” next season and those favorite pair of boots will wear. We will always be left wanting when we seek happiness in the possessions we own and the things we desire.

Humility is not being insignificant, but it is becoming smaller so he can become larger. It’s putting the Lord and others before yourself. It’s not self-seeking. Being humble does not contain comparison and pettiness. Humility is caring less for selfish desires and more for the pain of others. Let us care for each other.

I do want to note that humility is not not taking care of yourself. God is very clear in the Bible that we are to take care of our bodies because they are his dwelling place (1 Corinthians 6:19). If we do not care for ourselves, we are not caring for the thing that God has given us. Yet caring for ourselves is not buying stuff. Caring for ourselves is taking care of our mental health and physical body.

Lord, thank you for all that you are teaching me and all that you have given me. I am so blessed! Help me today to bring glory and honor to you. Help me to remember that my focus should be on you and on others. And remind me that true contentment comes from trusting you, not myself. Thank you for continuing to pursue me even when I forget to pursue you.

Amen.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I hope you enjoyed today's topic!
If you want to see more by me, check out my full list of blog posts.

Comment below or shoot me an email at AttitudeOfAdventure@gmail.com
Follow me on Instagram, Pinterest, & Facebook @AttitudeOfAdventure

I'd Love To Hear From You!

~M

Being More Sensitive With Your Questions

HEY AGAIN!

Or if not again, welcome to The Attitude Of Adventure Blog!
I'm Morgan Deane and my mission with this blog is to give great, applicable advice and funny stories, so that you get a laugh, leave with something helpful, and keep coming back!
I'm a Christ follower, I'm married to the LOVE of my life, we're parents to Winston BARKtholomew Deane (the Goldendoodle), and I love pizza! No seriously. I could eat pizza Every. Day!
{Want to know More About Me? Check it out!}

And now, for the reason you came here today!

More and more I talk with people who are upset with the questions that others are asking them. We don't feel like we're able to live in the present because all of society is saying, "What's next?" When we get to that next stage of life, we're immediately asked that same question. Instead of celebrating where we are, we're ever-striving for more or better. It's exhausting and shame-driven.

Don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. -Ephesians 4:29 NIV

INSENSITIVE QUESTIONS

I believe that this behavior is learned. We were asked these questions, so we're given permission to as well. For the sake of small talk, we ask generalized questions that can often hurt others or put them in an awkward situation. We get these questions in all stages of life. These questions are not good conversation starters if you don't know the person well. If we just met, I don't need you to approve of my decisions. You don't know me.

On the other hand, if you're a parent, close sibling, best friend, or other close friend or relative, then you have permission to speak into their lives. But if I haven't talked to you in years, I don't care that you're my aunt, great uncle, or cousin once removed, or childhood best friend, you haven't been close enough to my life to speak into it. You don't get to start now.

Someone else's opinion of you is none of your business. -Rachel Hollis

High School - "Where do you want to go to college?"  "What do you want to do with the rest of your life?"  "Have you thought about..."
We can all look back to a time when someone asked us this or we asked it of a student. I've even started seeing people ask kids in Middle School. Y'all! A 13-year-old has NO IDEA what he/she wants to do with their life. They're trying to get through the most awkward years of their life and we want them to make a decision for the rest of their life? Bad idea.

College - "Oh, you're in college now? What are you studying?"  "You know, a better major would be..."  "When will you graduate?"  "Oh, you're not going to college? Well, you're doing everyone who doesn't have the opportunity to go a disservice."
It's ridiculous the amount of pressure we put on our youth to choose the "right major" and go to the "right school". It's their life and they've got to learn to fly a little. If you're their parent, you have the right to discuss this with your child, but if I just met you, I don't want to hear your 4-step perfect plan for my life. You don't even know me!

Graduated - "You've graduated! Where are you working?"  "You can't expect everything to be handed to you."  "You could probably find something better."  "That has nothing to do with your degree."
Did you know that only 27% of kids graduating from college go into a job that related to their major? TWENTY-SEVEN PERCENT! Am I the only one who's bothered by this? And it's taking most of these kids SIX YEARS to get a 4 year degree. The colleges aren't encouraging their students to graduate quickly. Quite the opposite. That's six years of their life wasted on a major that isn't even related to their job. I desist.

Single - "You're single? Why?"  "You're STILL single??"  "Get out there! Get a man."  "Do you want to be single?"  "Have you tried online dating?"  "You know, my friend got married to this guy she met on eHarmony."  "Don't waste this time. Sometimes I wish I'd been single longer."
There seems to be a lot of shame around being single. Why is it that we think it's bad to be independent and figure out who we are before we jump into a relationship? Or on the other side, shaming for wanting a relationship. There's nothing wrong with being single.

Dating - "You're dating?"  "How long have you been dating?"  "Is he good to you?"  "Do you think he's the one?"  "You've been dating for so long. When will you get engaged?"
Let's not rush people to choose a person quickly. There's so much pressure to get married and start the next stage of your life, but divorces are at an all time high. Andy and I only dated for a little over a year before we got married, but we both knew what we wanted and started our relationship with an agreement that if either of us felt the other wasn't "the one" we'd end it. That's not the case with most couples. There's a lot of people who are dating around for fun. They're in no rush to get married and "settle down".

Engaged - "Congratulations! I know you got engaged last night, but when's the wedding?"  "Have you chosen a date yet?"  "You know, when I was engaged..."  "Oh, so soon? Don't you think you need more time?"  "Am I invited?"  "You've been engaged for how long? 3 years? Will you ever get married?"
Sheesh y'all! We've got to let these newly engaged couples breathe a minute. They may not want to tell you when the wedding is yet. And inviting yourself to their wedding is SO not okay -even if you're "kidding". If we weren't great friends before the engagement, that's probably not going to change. Andy and I were engaged for 6 months. It was quick, but it worked for us. Like I said, we knew what we wanted and were ready to move into the next stage of life. Everyone is different and will need more or less time. Let them do their thing.

Newlywed - "I know you've been married for all of 47 seconds, but when are you having kids? Haha! Just kidding (totally not kidding)."  "How's married life?"  "Does he do anything that annoys you?"  "Oh, you're newly weds? Sweet babies."  "When did you say you're having kids?"  "You should wait a looooong time to have kids."
A question that several people had the audacity to ask me a few months into marriage was if Andy was doing anything that annoyed me. "You know, like leaving his socks all over the place." What are you trying to get out of this question? Do you want me to say yes so that you can feel better that your marriage isn't the only miserable one? Let the newlyweds be newlyweds! There is literally no purpose in asking this question.

Renting - "Renting? Why are you renting?"  "That's like throwing money away."  "You need to buy a house."
There are stages for everything. Sometimes buying isn't the smart decision. If your job moves you around every few years, you don't want to have to try to sell and then be stuck renting from another state across the country. If you don't know what area you'll end up in moving to a new state, that's a great time to rent and not rush into a home. Renting can be great for people in certain stages of life and can actually be smart. Pressure to buy isn't helping them.

Married - "You still don't have kids?"  "When will you have kids?"  "How many kids do you want?"  "When do you want them?"  "You don't want kids?"  "How could you not want kids?"
These questions about kids especially annoy me. Mind your own business. If we're not close enough for me to tell you on my own, you don't need to be asking. Andy and I aren't trying, but when we start isn't any of your business. We have so many friends who have been trying for years with no luck. These questions are incredibly insensitive to people who are struggling with infertility and miscarriages.
Additionally, couples who don't ever want to have kids are not monsters. Let them live their lives! Everyone is different and just because their dreams don't match up to yours doesn't mean their wrong. Some of the people who have made the biggest impact in the world don't have kids.

Had Kids - "Do you want more?"  "How many do you have again?"  "I don't know how you do it."  "You know there's birth control for these things."
My heart goes out to the families who have one kid and then are immediately asked, "When's the next one coming?" Y'all! Let them breathe a minute. Let them have their baby. Let them get through the hardest part and make this decision on their own.
And for the families who have lots of kids, it's not funny when you make the birth control joke. Lots of people just don't feel comfortable using it and that's okay. That's their decision. Neither option is bad or wrong, but everyone is allowed to follow their heart. You may disagree, but try to understand where they're coming from will help.

LOVE OTHERS

A few weeks ago, I posted on the blog about Loving Those We Don't Feel Like Loving. We may disagree, but that doesn't mean we can't choose to love them.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I hope you enjoyed today's topic!
If you want to see more by me, check out my full list of blog posts.

Comment below or shoot me an email at AttitudeOfAdventure@gmail.com
Follow me on Instagram, Pinterest, & Facebook @AttitudeOfAdventure

I'd Love To Hear From You!

~M

Author: Morgan, Living Relational, Living With Value

Why We Regularly Have Family Dance Parties

HEY AGAIN!

Or if not again, welcome to The Attitude Of Adventure Blog!
I'm Morgan Deane and my mission with this blog is to give great, applicable advice and funny stories, so that you get a laugh, leave with something helpful, and keep coming back!
I'm a Christ follower, I'm married to the LOVE of my life, we're parents to Winston BARKtholomew Deane (the Goldendoodle), and I love pizza! No seriously. I could eat pizza Every. Day!
{Want to know More About Me? Check it out!}

And now, for the reason you came here today!

The Deane Fam regularly has dance parties around here! Everyone is included and no one can sit out. Even the puppy will jump around with us while we dance around the living room and kitchen. (His Goldendoodle bounciness makes it even more fun.)
If you've never had a dance party, you're missing out. Here's why!

IT MAKES US HAPPY

The first reason why we do dance parties is because it makes up happy! I can be in a terrible mood and Andy will say, "Alexa, pump up the jam!" Sorry Not Sorry by Demi Lovato comes on and I just can't help it. I'm drawn in to the beat and sassiness. (If you have kids around, make sure you play the non-explicit version.) Music won't instantly change my mood, but after a few minutes, I find myself singing along and dancing to the music.

Photography by Britt G. Photography

Dancing is a great way to get out energy or do a workout. I love line dance videos on YouTube and playing Kinect Zumba! I'm exhausted and out of breathe after a few songs, but I feel amazing and happy. There's basically no quicker way to get me in a good mood than to turn on my favorite dance party music and spin and jump around the living room with Winston and Andy.

IT GIVES US ENERGY

This sounds like it would take your energy, but you know how people say they feel more energized after a morning run? It's the same thing. You did something good for your body and now you feel great! Instead of being exhausted, I want to tackle a project after a dance party.
Why? To quote Elle Woods from Legally Blonde: "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands. They just don't."

Photography by Britt G. Photography

I would much rather dance than run or do pushups. I get bored on runs and pushups make my elbows pop uncomfortably (my chiropractor says it's normal, but I can't handle it). But get me dancing and I can go for ages! I'm not bored. My mind is stimulated and I feel great!

MAKING A DANCE PARTY PLAYLIST

Creating a dance party playlist can be cause for some drama. It'll take some trial and error. The thing to keep in mind is that your playlist is NEVER FINISHED! You heard a song on the radio that you loved? (does anyone even listen to a radio anymore... I don't know.) Add it! A friend recommended a song that's great for dancing? Try it out! If you don't like the song anymore, throw it out.

Photography by Britt G. Photography

Sometimes I add a song to my playlist and then go to have a dance party and realize, though it's an upbeat, fun song, it's just not a great song for dance parties. Sometimes Andy turns on a song and I'm like WHAT in tarnation is this? No. And he does the same to me. And sometimes songs surprise us.
I'll be in the kitchen, washing dishes and realize that Not Today Satan by KB is a great song for getting that nonsense done. (Why they haven't come out with a robot who will hand wash your pots and pans and fold your laundry, I don't know.)
Don't doubt a song until you try it!

WHO CAN COME?

LITERALLY ANYONE!
Invite your mom. Invite your dog. Tell your neighbors. Bring your friends. Keep it private. You and hubby. Include the kids. Bring your cousins. Scare the cat with your awful dance moves. Bring the party to the llama down the road. This is an all-inclusive kind of party. Whoever is around gets to be a part of it!
This is not an exclusive club. This isn't a house full of talented dancers with perfectly pointed toes and beautiful dance moves. No. This is anyone who wants to get in some extra booty shaking. Loosen up your arms, shake out your legs, spin around, touch your toes, Heyyyy Macarena! We are so NOT coordinated right now. And. That's. O. Kay! In fact, it's perfect.

Photography by Britt G. Photography

The only people not invited are those who bring insults on their tongues. No. Thank you. If anyone insults another's dance moves or singing voice or literally anything about them, they can excuse themselves immediately. We don't need that negativity around here.

THE RULES

There are some rules when we start a dance party. Take some, leave others, add your own, but make sure that everyone is on the same page because nothing takes the fun out of something faster than not being on board and feeling forced and coerced into an activity.

Here are our family dance party rules. Save the photo above for easy reference.

1.  Start with a clean floor. We can't have you tripping and dying in the middle of the dance party. How anti-climatic.
2.  Everyone in the house has to join in! This is a fun occasion and no one gets left out.
3.  The music has to be fun and upbeat; great to dance to. Make a playlist as a family and add songs that everyone likes.
4.  Dance like no one's watching. This ain't no slow dance, solemn moment. Get out there and have some fun!
5.  If anyone doesn't want to listen to the current song, they can skip it, but each person only gets 1 skip, so choose wisely.
6.  No judging others' dance moves. Bad dance moves don't exist in this home. Encouragement only!
7.  Singing at the top of your lungs is always encouraged.
8.  No judging others' terrible singing voices. We know we're terrible, but we love singing. Get over it.
9.  Turn up the volume! This will help cover the terrible singing voices. And you'll all dance more freely.
10.  The dance party can last as long as everyone needs to be in a great mood again.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I hope you enjoyed today's topic!
If you want to see more by me, check out my full list of blog posts.

Comment below or shoot me an email at AttitudeOfAdventure@gmail.com
Follow me on Instagram, Pinterest, & Facebook @AttitudeOfAdventure

I'd Love To Hear From You!

~M

Author: Morgan, Living Relational, Living With Value