HEY AGAIN!
Or if not again, welcome to The Attitude Of Adventure Blog!
I'm Morgan Deane and my mission with this blog is to give great, applicable advice and funny stories, so that you get a laugh, leave with something helpful, and keep coming back!
I'm a Christ follower, I'm married to the LOVE of my life, we're parents to Winston BARKtholomew Deane the Goldendoodle, and I love drinking homemade smoothies every morning!
{Want to know More About Me? Check it out!}
And now, for the reason you came here today!
I'm Morgan Deane and my mission with this blog is to give great, applicable advice and funny stories, so that you get a laugh, leave with something helpful, and keep coming back!
I'm a Christ follower, I'm married to the LOVE of my life, we're parents to Winston BARKtholomew Deane the Goldendoodle, and I love drinking homemade smoothies every morning!
{Want to know More About Me? Check it out!}
And now, for the reason you came here today!
Andy and I started our marriage with a "Trust First" attitude and we believe it's made a huge difference! The times that we haven't trusted, are the times when we have been our worst selves.
"TRUST FIRST"
First of all, let's define what"Trust First" means.
Trust First:
Giving the benefit of the doubt.
Trying to understand instead of blaming right off the bat.
Trusting that the other person in the relationship has the best intentions.
Giving the benefit of the doubt.
Trying to understand instead of blaming right off the bat.
Trusting that the other person in the relationship has the best intentions.
WHY IT'S SO IMPORTANT
Andy and I started our marriage with this intention. We were going to trust that the other person had our best at heart. We weren't going to be suspicious even before we had an explanation. We were going to trust that the other person was trying their best and something life happens and things don't go according to plan.
And so, why is it so important? Think about these 2 situations:
1. A husband comes home and his wife hasn't made dinner yet and the house is a mess. He's immediately annoyed because he told her when he would be home and she had promised to make food. He accuses her of not caring about him and being a bad caretaker. She's immediately on the defense and starts crying. Really, she was trying, but work kept her late and she had to get gas on the way home because her take was below empty. When she finally arrived home, she found that she needed to run to the store. She had actually walked in the door only 10 minutes before he did. But he didn't know. He jumped to conclusions. "It's happened before. Maybe she doesn't love me."
2. Now imagine him walking in with trust first. He isn't annoyed or upset. Rather, he asks her how her day was. She explains how busy it was and apologizes for not having started on dinner yet. "That's alright," he says. "No need for apology. Let me help you!" She accepts his help and together they make dinner, then eat and clean the house quickly. They talk about his day and use feeling words to describe their emotions. There is no suspicion or doubt because he sought to understand instead of attack.
Andy and I use the technique to stay close. He trusts me, so I in turn, find it easier to be more giving. Marriage is not 50/50. But rather, it's 100/100. Sometimes, he will have a bad day and it will cause him to be at only 50%, so then I may need to step it to 150% until he's feeling better. Instead of playing at the level he's at which would cause tension and conflict, we compensate for each other's weaknesses and care for each other well.
I trust that Andy is doing his best. I trust that when he forgets something, he truly forgets about it. I trust that he is not purposefully trying to sabotage plans. I trust that when he doesn't call me right at 5:00pm, he's working late. I trust that when he runs late, it's not on purpose. I trust that he takes care of me and cares for me.
1. A husband comes home and his wife hasn't made dinner yet and the house is a mess. He's immediately annoyed because he told her when he would be home and she had promised to make food. He accuses her of not caring about him and being a bad caretaker. She's immediately on the defense and starts crying. Really, she was trying, but work kept her late and she had to get gas on the way home because her take was below empty. When she finally arrived home, she found that she needed to run to the store. She had actually walked in the door only 10 minutes before he did. But he didn't know. He jumped to conclusions. "It's happened before. Maybe she doesn't love me."
2. Now imagine him walking in with trust first. He isn't annoyed or upset. Rather, he asks her how her day was. She explains how busy it was and apologizes for not having started on dinner yet. "That's alright," he says. "No need for apology. Let me help you!" She accepts his help and together they make dinner, then eat and clean the house quickly. They talk about his day and use feeling words to describe their emotions. There is no suspicion or doubt because he sought to understand instead of attack.
I trust that Andy is doing his best. I trust that when he forgets something, he truly forgets about it. I trust that he is not purposefully trying to sabotage plans. I trust that when he doesn't call me right at 5:00pm, he's working late. I trust that when he runs late, it's not on purpose. I trust that he takes care of me and cares for me.
APPLY IT
But this isn't just something you can apply to your marriage. You can use this skill at your job with your boss. Or you can trust your friend who is late once again. Or that your mother-in-law has the best intentions.
Put yourself in the other person's shoes and ask them questions to better understand where they're at. Don't make assumptions, move toward understanding.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
I hope you enjoyed today's topic!
If you want to see more by me, check out my full list of blog posts.
Comment below or shoot me an email at AttitudeOfAdventure@gmail.com
Follow me on Instagram, Pinterest, & Facebook @AttitudeOfAdventure
If you want to see more by me, check out my full list of blog posts.
Comment below or shoot me an email at AttitudeOfAdventure@gmail.com
Follow me on Instagram, Pinterest, & Facebook @AttitudeOfAdventure
