HEY AGAIN!
Or if not again, welcome to The Attitude Of Adventure Blog!
I'm Morgan Deane and my mission with this blog is to give great, applicable advice and funny stories, so that you get a laugh, leave with something helpful, and keep coming back!
I'm a Christ follower, I'm married to the LOVE of my life, we're parents to Winston BARKtholomew Deane the Goldendoodle, and I love drinking homemade smoothies every morning!
{Want to know More About Me? Check it out!}
And now, for the reason you came here today!
I'm Morgan Deane and my mission with this blog is to give great, applicable advice and funny stories, so that you get a laugh, leave with something helpful, and keep coming back!
I'm a Christ follower, I'm married to the LOVE of my life, we're parents to Winston BARKtholomew Deane the Goldendoodle, and I love drinking homemade smoothies every morning!
{Want to know More About Me? Check it out!}
And now, for the reason you came here today!
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| Photo by Britt G Photography |
Andy and I have been married for a year and a half and though we've had our spats and disagreements, we still like to think that we'll forever be in the honeymoon phase. Of course, life has gotten into a rhythm and we're not quite as lovey-dovey as those first several months, but we're still intentional about staying in love and continuing to connect. Andy and I are very intentional when it comes to sitting down, looking each other in the eyes, and connecting with each other. We have times set aside where we put down our phones and do a puzzle or read a book together. All of intentional quality time is important, but it wouldn't mean anything if we weren't committed to being 100% honest and authentic with one another.
We built our whole relationship on honesty. When we first started dating, I got serious with Andy and said, "I'm not in this for fun. I believe dating should be used to find someone I'm going to marry. So if you're not the one, I'm going to break it off and I'd like for you to respect me and do the same." I think he was a little blown away by my straightforwardness, but he agreed to respect that.
Shortly into dating, he told me that he had had a porn addiction that was a struggle and always would be, but he was determined to curb it. He also promised 100% honesty and openness to any questions I had about it. I was surprised at this and didn't really know what questions to ask, but I so appreciated that he didn't pretend like it wasn't a problem or just assume I would know. Every once in a while, we still talk about it. I can't say it's not awkward, but it so much less so than if he hadn't opened that door.
I wrote a letter for Andy to read on our wedding day with some promises. And one that I take very seriously is, "I promise to always be honest with you." Always. I hear stories about couples who fake orgasms or go shopping and don't tell their spouse how much they spent or don't want to share they're full naked body in the light with their spouse. It blows me away that they think they can build a strong, lasting relationship on this foundation.
HONESTY
Yep, honest is that thing that makes our marriage thrive.
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| Photo by Britt G Photography |
Shortly into dating, he told me that he had had a porn addiction that was a struggle and always would be, but he was determined to curb it. He also promised 100% honesty and openness to any questions I had about it. I was surprised at this and didn't really know what questions to ask, but I so appreciated that he didn't pretend like it wasn't a problem or just assume I would know. Every once in a while, we still talk about it. I can't say it's not awkward, but it so much less so than if he hadn't opened that door.
I wrote a letter for Andy to read on our wedding day with some promises. And one that I take very seriously is, "I promise to always be honest with you." Always. I hear stories about couples who fake orgasms or go shopping and don't tell their spouse how much they spent or don't want to share they're full naked body in the light with their spouse. It blows me away that they think they can build a strong, lasting relationship on this foundation.
WHY BE 100% VULNERABLE?
Being so vulnerable and open with Andy is very nerve racking because if he rejects me in any way, it's going to hurt that much more. But I had to ask myself, if I don't trust him with all of me, why would I marry him? Why would I commit to spend the rest of my life loving him if I felt he couldn't be trusted with my deepest, darkest secrets?
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| Photo by Britt G Photography |
I wouldn't want to marry someone who kept secrets from me. If you're always trying to find the secrets the other person is keeping, it creates distrust. Instead of seeking out the positive and looking for the good in the relationship, you'll always bring each other down. I know couples who always talk badly about each other, and in front of each other, no less. I can't help but wonder if their marriages will last. I wonder if they are actually happy, if they enjoy married life. It's hard to love it when all you're doing is bringing the other person down and feeling terrible when they do the same to you.
BUT HOW?
So how do you live this out? Andy and I built our relationship on honesty, but if you're in the middle of a relationship, how do you create trust and authenticity?
Talk with your partner.
What? I know, communication. So weird. But seriously, sit down and talk with them about how honesty is important to you. Set out an agreement, written if you're up for it. Promise each other that you will be 100% honest with each other. No more back-stabbing, no more hiding purchases, no more half-truths. You need to commit not to lie to one another. It's much easier to do this if the other person is on board. If you're both agreeing to it, you'll have more success because you can hold each other accountable.
Expect some hard conversations.
Vulnerability isn't easy to give, but it's also not always easy to hear. Andy and I have hard conversations a lot. If he said something that hurt me--even if he didn't mean it--I have to tell him. I don't attack and yell, but calmly let him know that that comment he made earlier didn't sit right. Often, he's apologetic and didn't mean for it to come across that way. But if I get defensive and attack him back, it never ends well.
Be Honest
Live it out. Tell your partner the hard things and know that they're going to do the same. Give grace and expect that they're looking out for your best interest and not intentionally trying to hurt you.
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| Photo by Britt G Photography |
What? I know, communication. So weird. But seriously, sit down and talk with them about how honesty is important to you. Set out an agreement, written if you're up for it. Promise each other that you will be 100% honest with each other. No more back-stabbing, no more hiding purchases, no more half-truths. You need to commit not to lie to one another. It's much easier to do this if the other person is on board. If you're both agreeing to it, you'll have more success because you can hold each other accountable.
Expect some hard conversations.
Vulnerability isn't easy to give, but it's also not always easy to hear. Andy and I have hard conversations a lot. If he said something that hurt me--even if he didn't mean it--I have to tell him. I don't attack and yell, but calmly let him know that that comment he made earlier didn't sit right. Often, he's apologetic and didn't mean for it to come across that way. But if I get defensive and attack him back, it never ends well.
Be Honest
Live it out. Tell your partner the hard things and know that they're going to do the same. Give grace and expect that they're looking out for your best interest and not intentionally trying to hurt you.
BEST PRACTICES
These are some of the things that help us stay honest and connected to one another.
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| Photo by Britt G Photography |
Feeling words
Simply put, Feeling Words are words that describe how you're feeling. Shocker, I know. Secure, Angry, Peaceful, Sad, Joyful, Disappointed, Aroused to name a few. When you communicate, how often do you use Feeling Words and how expansive is your vocabulary? If you use 10 or less words to describe how you're feeling, you need to expand your horizons!...read more
Trust First
Andy and I started our marriage with this intention. We were going to trust that the other person had our best at heart. We weren't going to be suspicious even before we had an explanation. We were going to trust that the other person was trying their best and something life happens and things don't go according to plan...read more
Date night
Make sure you're going on a date every week. It's hard to commit to that with your time and finances, but the benefits of continuing to date your spouse after your married are exponential. Some weeks just won't work out, but if you're going 3 out of 4 times, you're on a great track. It's so hard to stay intentionally connected if you're not getting time away every week. We don't even have kids, but just being at home gets us in the same routine of watching Netflix every night. We connect a lot better on a phone-less date. Here are 56 Winter Date Ideas To Get You Out Of The "Same Date Cycle"
Simply put, Feeling Words are words that describe how you're feeling. Shocker, I know. Secure, Angry, Peaceful, Sad, Joyful, Disappointed, Aroused to name a few. When you communicate, how often do you use Feeling Words and how expansive is your vocabulary? If you use 10 or less words to describe how you're feeling, you need to expand your horizons!...read moreTrust First
Andy and I started our marriage with this intention. We were going to trust that the other person had our best at heart. We weren't going to be suspicious even before we had an explanation. We were going to trust that the other person was trying their best and something life happens and things don't go according to plan...read moreDate night
Make sure you're going on a date every week. It's hard to commit to that with your time and finances, but the benefits of continuing to date your spouse after your married are exponential. Some weeks just won't work out, but if you're going 3 out of 4 times, you're on a great track. It's so hard to stay intentionally connected if you're not getting time away every week. We don't even have kids, but just being at home gets us in the same routine of watching Netflix every night. We connect a lot better on a phone-less date. Here are 56 Winter Date Ideas To Get You Out Of The "Same Date Cycle"WHAT ABOUT YOU?
I hope you enjoyed today's topic!
If you want to see more by me, check out my full list of blog posts.
Comment below or shoot me an email at AttitudeOfAdventure@gmail.com
Follow me on Instagram, Pinterest, & Facebook @AttitudeOfAdventure
If you want to see more by me, check out my full list of blog posts.
Comment below or shoot me an email at AttitudeOfAdventure@gmail.com
Follow me on Instagram, Pinterest, & Facebook @AttitudeOfAdventure
