I love being a wife! Married life is the freakin best! But getting from dating to married was not the most fun. The engagement season quickly went from ecstatic to dramatic. Andy and I both look back and are so glad it's over. But why is it so stressful? As I started thinking about it, I realized there are some things I would tell myself if I could go back in time.
An Expensive Photographer
This is close to the top because this was so important to me! I love seeing the pictures from our wedding and it was worth every penny to have
Britt there! She has a real art for catching beautiful candid moments and making us feel gorgeous. Don't skimp on the photography because these really are the things that you'll be able to reminisce on. You won't remember what you ate or who all was there, but the photos can bring it all back.
Proposal Photos
Andy surprised me with his proposal
and he had a photographer, unbeknownst to me, follow us around the Atlanta Botanical Gardens. He captured every moment and those are some of the coolest pictures to look back at! Though we had had a photographer at the sight of the proposal, we didn't end up using him for the wedding. Most photographers throw in an engagement shoot with the purchase of the wedding. I'm really glad that Andy found one who would just shoot that night and didn't choose a photographer for the wedding without me.
Engagement Photos
Our engagement shoot was included in the wedding package, but if it wasn't, I still would have gotten them. They turned out gorgeous! I love that we have the proposal photos, but in the middle of the surprise and gushing over this new ring on your hand, you haven't been thinking of all the poses you'd like to get. Having a separate shoot meant that we could get all the pictures I wanted.
A Short Engagement
This is simply preference. Looking back, Andy actually would have made our engagement longer. He proposed on December 17, 2016 and we were married 5 short months later on May 28, 2017. It was a quick turnaround and planning a wedding is a lot of work. But in my mind, it's going to be stressful either way, so why prolong it?
We Had A Short Guest List
We invited 50 people to our wedding. That's it. It was really small which is both of our styles. Neither
of us is particularly fond of being the center of attention and though we may have created some tension between family who wasn't invited, we don't regret not inviting most who weren't on the list. When I tell people this, they look at me like I'm crazy and say, "I just literally couldn't get it down to 50 people." I understand that a lot of people have more family than we do, but there are a lot of family members that we didn't invite. Everyone at our wedding was friends and family that we felt close to and see often.
We Waited To Have Sex Until After The Wedding
This was something that also made the short engagement nice because as you get closer to the idea of being married as well as becoming more physically and mentally intimate, it becomes harder and harder to abstain. If this boundary wasn't in place for both of us, we probably wouldn't have made it. Then there would have been guilt around the idea of sex. Our sex life probably wouldn't be as great as it is today if we hadn't waited. Read more about
Why We Waited To Have Sex Until Marriage.
Pre-Marital Counseling
Neither of us had had sex before marriage and we grew up very similarly. We went to the same church, had VERY similar views on finances, and the only things we had ever disagreed on was whether our kids would be homeschooled, public schooled, or private schooled, as well as if we would do Santa. We went through the counseling because we both believe there's always room to grow and it made getting a marriage certificate cheaper. But gosh, it was the best! We learned so much about each other, how to argue well, how to seek to understand instead of assume the worst. We took away
Feeling Words and some great tools to kick-start our marriage well. This is one of the best things we did and we still get together with our mentors every 6 months to catch up!
No Kids Were Invited
I went back and forth on this because my siblings were invited as well as Andy's younger cousins. We also had some of my great friends' kids as the flower girl and ring bearer. But other than that, there weren't any kids invited. We still had someone show up with a baby, but he sat on her lap during dinner and wasn't fussy.
We Didn't Try To Buy A House At The Same Time
Oh my word y'all. I can't believe how many people try to plan a wedding and buy a house at the same time. It would have made for some very emotional decision making for us. Thankfully, while we were still dating, Andy had bought a house that I really liked. I had been a huge part of the painting and decorating of the house before we were even engaged. If we hadn't worked out, I'm sure that would have been hard on Andy. On the other hand, I know a lot of wives who moved into their husband's house and it never felt like home to them. If Andy didn't already have a house that I had been a part of decorating and putting together, I would have liked to rent for several month to a year, then buy a house. Wait for the stress of the wedding to be over, don't live with your parents, and choose without your emotional side taking over your logical side.
Dave Ramsey says, "Rent for a year because you need at least that much time to know how close to live to your in-laws."
I Created Decor That I Could Keep
While the venue had decor that we could use, I also wanted some personalized items. I was careful to choose decor that could be used in our house after the wedding. A Mr. & Mrs. sign for the table where we ate dinner now hangs on the wall in our home. A series of signs showing our life told by important dates in our relationships is on a different wall in our living room. There were several decor pieces that we didn't have to sell, donate, or throw away.
I Asked For Help
We did a lot of the work of the wedding ourselves. The venue we got had a lot included in the package like dinner, cake, DJ, flowers, and decor. The rest was up to us. Because it was such a small wedding, we did a lot of the work: creating a website, coordinating the photographer, sending out save-the-dates and invitations, etc. There was a lot, but we asked friends and family for help. I'm pretty particular so delegating is hard for me, but looking back, it was so worth it. We couldn't have done it without help! And when you need help, you can either hire someone or ask friends and family.
We Danced Down The Aisle
Walking from the front of the house to the top of the aisle, the traditional wedding march played. My dad and I got to the top of the aisle underneath an arch and paused. The song stopped and the middle of Kesha's song Tik-Tok started playing, "The party don't start til I walk in!" and we danced our way down the aisle. It was so fun and made people laugh. It also made me more relaxed as we got closer. I get so nervous being the center of attention and was stiff as we got closer. Dancing really helped to lighten the mood!
We Had A Day-Of Coordinator
Oh my word! If this had not been included in the venue package, I'm not sure we would have had one, but it is an absolute MUST! I said above that you should ask for help from family and friends, but on the day of the wedding, don't put someone who's supposed to be enjoying your wedding in charge of coordinating everything. Not only is this person valuable for keeping everyone on track, but when the wedding procession started, I was waiting for everyone and about had an anxiety attack just sitting there. The coordinator was so sweet and distracted me until my dad was there to walk me down the aisle.
I Ordered My Dress Online
Okay. I know you probably just fell out of your chair or dropped the phone you're reading this on, but I'm serious. My family lives in Missouri and I wanted them to be included in the dress shopping. Andy proposed on the December 17th and a very short few days later, I was leaving to visit my family for Christmas without him. I knew that they probably wouldn't be able to get to Georgia when I tried on dresses with my friends and I wanted to them to be there, so over that vacation, we went to tons of bridal shops and tried on tons of dresses. I knew I had found "the one" when I started comparing everything else I tried on to it. BUT it was $3,000. A lot of brides are willing to spend that kind of money on their wedding dress, but with a budget of 10K, I just couldn't. So, I did what anyone in this generation would do; I took to the web. At first I tried to find the exact dress, but with no luck, I looked for similar options. I happened upon a website,
JJsHouse.com, and found a dress that was very similar for $300. It wasn't as nice of material and there wasn't as much lace, but it was amazing! Very well made and got here very quickly. I had to get it fitted by a tailor after the fact, but I would recommend them any day.
Created Website Trough TheKnot.com
Everything about The Knot is excellent. They have great to-do lists with timelines. They have great venue, caterer, photographer, and DJ suggestions. The website they let us create and use for free was great for guests to RSVP on, see details about the day of, and check back for pictures after the day. I highly recommend The Knot.
Inexpensive Groom/Groomsmen/Bridesmaids Outfits
If you know Andy or me, you know that we're not fancy
people. We don't love dressing up because it makes us feel stiff. We would much rather spend our time in baggy shirts and sweat pants or jeans. We also know that wedding attire is expensive and a lot of our party was in college at the time. The only expensive thing we asked them to wear was cowboy boots! The men were in jeans and button up shirts with a grey vest from Amazon. The ladies were in a deep blue dress I also found on Amazon. It made it easy for them to order to size they needed and we knew they'd all get the same thing. I was also able to use the Prime Wardrobe in the days before is was officially the Prime Wardrobe. I got dressed shipped to my house and would look them over, then send them back for free until I found one I liked.
Let Other People Stress For Me The Day Of
I worked really hard to plan everything out for the day of so that I didn't have to worry. I said earlier that I have a hard time delegating, but it was really freeing to hand off the to-do lists and worry about smiling for the photographer and we posed to put on our makeup and jewelry. When things went wrong, I didn't even want to know. Just handle it! My best friend and mom did a great job of stopping things before they got me. Only after the day was over and we were back from our honeymoon did I hear about some dramas that happened that day.
I Didn't Wear A Veil
Veils are very traditional and many women still wear them on their big day, but I opted not to. I tried a few on and felt like they looked weird on my head. I was also afraid that it might give me a headache, because I get those very frequently and the pull on my head probably would have done it. I have long, red hair and I absolutely loved the way it turned out without a veil. But girl, you do you! It's totally preference!
We Paid Cash For The Whole Thing
Y'all. I cannot tell you the amount of stress we did not have about paying cash for our entire wedding and honeymoon. My parents, like many parents in these days, were able to help, but only a little. They wrote me a check and said, "Spend it how you want. If you use all of it, great, if you have any leftover, keep it." Of course we spent all of it and it was super helpful, but the rest was on us. Total our wedding cost around $8,000 and our honeymoon was another $4,000.
Andy's Dad Was Our Officiant
At first, when we asked my future dad-in-law to be our officiant, I was worried he was saying yes because how could he say no. But after talking with Andy, he reassured me that it was probably the best thing for him. He loved getting to be a part of the day and he did an extremely wonderful job. I hadn't been to many weddings, so I didn't realize until after the fact how well he did marrying us. It was perfect!
First Look With My Dad
Whether you do it with you groom or you father, it's a very special time. I didn't feel strongly about Andy seeing my before the ceremony, but he insisted that as I walked down the aisle would be the first time he saw me in my dress. So after I got ready, I had the DJ play a song that my dad and I used to listen to when I was a kid,
Butterfly Kisses. The photographers caught the moments my dad first saw me and to say the least, there were many happy tears.
We Had A Clean Up Plan
I created a list of everything that I brought and everything that needed to go back home. Then I assigned my Maid of Honor to head the clean up and asked everyone on the Bridal Party to stay after and help. I also assigned a car for everything to be loaded into. That way when Andy and I drove off, we didn't have to stress about if everything got done and we didn't have to clean up before leaving. It was really nice; we should have more days all about me. Haha!
I Wore My Dress Home
Apparently most brides change out of their dress before leaving the venue. It never occurred to me to change. We went straight from the venue to the house. It was very romantic and intimate for Andy to unzip me out of the wedding dress. I'm sorry if that's TMI, but it was a detail that I will remember forever and it just would not
have been that special if I hadn't been wearing jeans and a T-shirt. I understand why this may be a problem if you're staying in a hotel and leaving on a plane the next day. I'm really glad that we were able to stay at our home that night.
Our Wedding Weekend
We got married on the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend and I just love that every year on our anniversary we'll have a long weekend to celebrate! A lot of people get married over holidays, but if it's too big a holiday, your anniversary might get lost in the mix. Now ours is a holiday all it's own! Labor day weekend in September is another great one to get married on, but it happens to be my birthday weekend too, so we stuck with May.
The Whole Honeymoon
I need to create a whole other post about planning a honeymoon because we did it right! Y'all, not only did we go to Italy, but we were gone for 10 days! We didn't over plan, we used a travel agent, we only went to 2 cities, and we paid for it with cash. After we agreed on the destination, I put Andy in charge of planning and coordinating and he blew it out of the water.
THAT'S ALL!
Well, all I can think of. I'm sure they're plenty more I'm forgetting, but I don't tend to dwell on that time. Just remember that it's about the marriage and not the one day of your wedding. If you reach for perfection, odds are you won't meet it and no matter how great the day is, you'll be disappointed. I can't tell you how many brides I've seen cry on their wedding day. It makes me sad because this is supposed to be one the happiest days of her life and she's crying.
Just remember that this day is yours. Not your mom's. Not your grandma's. It's for you and your future spouse. Make it your goal to plan so well in advance that you don't have to stress. When, not if, something goes wrong, let someone handle it and walk away. Now go enjoy this time because it'll be over before you know it!
Also, check out
next week's post on
17 More Things We Learned From Planning Our Wedding.
If printing is more your style, below are free printables. Just save them to your computer and print them out. They're pretty displayed in a picture frame or can be easily laminated. I put mine up on our fridge for easy access.
